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Be proactive and use the push-pull dynamic to attract women.
By Derek Vitalio


The best way to a woman’s heart isn’t her stomach, nor her mother – it’s her confusion.

You want a woman to wonder just a little bit where she stands with you, and to create a dynamic where she ends up coming some of the distance to feel YOU out. The best way to do this? Pushing and Pulling.

Inside the hearts of men…

There’s a Twilight Zone about a gambler who dies, and winds up in an ethereal casino.

He starts playing, and he’s winning every time, and he’s sayin’ ‘Alright! I made it to heaven!’

Then time keeps on passing, and he keeps winning and winning and never losing… until he realizes ‘Sh*t, I’m actually in hell.’

What exactly does that have to do with attracting women? Quite a lot, actually.

Simply put, we humans like getting what we want… but not if it’s TOO easy. If something just falls into our lap without a fight or without effort, it suddenly loses some worth. Maybe we start to reassess our first judgment, we question if it’s really worth having.

After all, if it’s this easy, then everyone would be doing it. IF it’s worth it.

Not to mention, the journey helps CREATE the worth – the more you fight for it, the more you’ll savor it.

And I’m telling you this because…?

Don’t give it up too easily

Creating worth is ALL about attracting women

If this were the 50s and I was a mom speaking to a daughter, I’d probably tell you to play hard-to-get.

But it’s the 21st century, I’m pretty sure you’re not my daughter and I KNOW I’m not your mom, so we need something more sophisticated. And as a man, we need to be more proactive, less passive about our chances.

We need to push. And pull. Make the woman feel like a yo-yo. It’ll drive her crazy – in all the right ways, all ways which are not only PART of a successful mating dance, they’re the MOST important steps.

Let me explain a bit.

Pushing and Pulling

What’s a pull? When you say something which is hopefully a bit cocky, playful, and funny all at the same time. Like she laughs at one of your jokes, you pause, give her a half-smile and say ‘You love me.’ or ‘I want a small wedding, ok?’ or ‘That was easy – all we need now is a little privacy and a soft surface. Or do you like it hard?’

Get it? Make assumptions about how attractive you are, how much she wants to jump your bones, and use all that to PULL her towards you. Let her know how lucky she is to have found you.

And at the same time, push. Let her know it’ll never work out. Say she tells you she only dates rich men, and she asks if you’re rich. ‘Nope. In fact, you’re paying for the next six rounds. That guy over there has an expensive shirt on, maybe you should hook up with him.’

Or if she says she likes bad boys, ‘Oh, my momma wouldn’t approve. I guess the wedding’s off – if that’s what momma says, of course.’

Basically, WHATEVER she says she looks for in a man, go ahead and play the OPPOSITE.

In words only we’re talking about. This is called flirting.

Every time you PULL with a compliment, you’ve got to PUSH with a tease. The vaguer and more possibly true, the better. If you’ve given a SINCERE compliment (as they all should be anyway), you’ve REALLY got to work on PUSHING HARD with something negative.

Something like ‘I’m not surprised YOU’D say that.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m not telling.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know you well enough – and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.’

‘WHAT?’

‘See, you’re doing it again.’

Don’t be nasty, be fun – and mysterious

Remember, you want to keep everything PLAYFUL. That’s the key to making everything work.

She shouldn’t have any idea if you’re serious – with both the pushes and the pulls. You’ve got to keep her guessing the whole time.

This is EXACTLY where you want her mind to be – it both causes her to devote a LOT more mental energy to you than she would otherwise, AND it makes you more interesting. Complex. And fun.

That very complexity, interest, and fun GREATLY increases your worth.

Many of the women who were MOST into me were those who LEAST knew where they stood. As you practice this, you’ll find out it’s a VERY powerful tool.

Don’t be a jerk

One of the other things it sometimes does is create INSECURITY in the woman. Now, a little insecurity can be a good thing – it adds spice, keeps everything from becoming boring and monotonous, like with our gambling friend.

But you don’t want to be cruel, and TOO MUCH insecurity can damage both the lady and your relationship with her. Don’t take this too far. If she seems to be getting genuinely upset, it’s time to pull a little bit – ‘Hey, don’t worry so much, look who I’ve decided to spend my valuable time with.’

But in general, men do WAY too much pulling, making it clear how awesome they find a woman and how much they want to be with her. Chances are very good your pulling skills (Vitalio usage) are overdeveloped.

Work in the weak link - pushing

So instead, my assignment to you is to work on your PUSHING skills. Think of different ways to say to her ‘Hey, I know the sun doesn’t shine out your ass. And I don’t need you – I can pull (British usage) a woman any time I like. And I’m not convinced we’re right for each other.’

Hint: the less you use words, the better this will work. Body language – like not facing her, or flirting with other women – is often MUCH more powerful.

So today (or tomorrow, but don’t wait any longer) go find a woman you’re VERY attracted to. And figure out a way to keep her engaged while at the same time PUSHING HARD.

You’ll get the balance between push and pull as time passes, but for the moment, practice those playful pushing maneuvers. Remember to keep it FUN – once it’s not, you’re just a bastard. Which can work – it’s one of the reasons bastards get more than their fair share of chicks – but not something I’d recommend on a human level.

Push-Pull in relationships (fledgling or otherwise)

One other thing – as you get to know a woman better and you enter the rapport stage, you shouldn’t lose the push-pull dynamic, but it should morph a bit. Into something more like reward and punishment – so you REMAIN an interesting challenge, but you use it to teach her what kind of behavior is acceptable for you.

For instance, if she’s been great, you can take her to eat her favorite food. If she’s acting moody and bitchy, you can cut your time together short – ‘I don’t appreciate this kind of behavior, and I don’t deserve it. I’ll call you later when it’s out of your system.’

Reward and punishment is a little trickier, and we’ll deal with it again at a later time. For now, focus on learning to PUSH just as well as you’ve learned to PULL.